Welcome to Just Fuck My Shit Up June! This month, we are getting MESSY & TRUTHFUL, we are diving deep into self-esteem, exploring its essence, how to boost it, and how to maintain it.
Self-esteem is the cornerstone of a fulfilling and successful life. Self-esteem, aka self-worth, influences every aspect of life.
How do YOU rate your dignity and your level of self-respect? 1-10? What is your self-esteem sitting at today?
As adult women, one might assume we possess a deep understanding of self-esteem, something we can impart to our children. Sometimes, we forget. So, we must prioritize working on our own self-esteem before we teach others.
So, let’s do a deep dive and get a checkup together.
What is Self-Esteem?
- Self-esteem is how you value your self-worth. Pride in oneself.
- Self-esteem and self-confidence overlap, but they are different. Self-esteem refers to whether you appreciate and value yourself. Your self-esteem develops and changes as a result of your life experiences and interactions with other people. (Self-confidence is your belief in yourself and your abilities).
- Self-Esteem falls on a spectrum from low to healthy to over-inflated.
- With low self-esteem, you feel low and undeserving of happiness. Think “Golden Retriever” energy: people pleasers, not feeling good enough, and fear of confrontation that might make one vulnerable to abuse.
- With healthy self-esteem, you can feel confident and deserving of what comes to you. Think “Black Cat” energy if you are following the trend on TikTok. You do not chase; you make things happen.
- At overinflated levels, you can feel entitled to happiness even at the expense of others, becoming overly self-promotional.
Real-Life Experiences Affecting Self-Esteem
Real-life experiences that can significantly impact a woman’s self-esteem include the murky boundaries of a situationship, body image issues, health problems, financial stress, academic pressure, bullying or harassment, workplace discrimination, toxic friendships, rejection or failure, breakups, parenting challenges, and cultural or familial expectations.
Positive experiences create positive self-esteem, while negative experiences create negative self-esteem. Other factors include temperament, family relationships, and life experiences. Consider self-esteem a trait influenced by our external environment. It can also change over time.
In childhood, self-esteem is naturally high. However, as a child grows and becomes more aware of their surroundings and feedback, self-esteem can decrease. This is due to the ability to compare oneself to others and take into account external opinions. These experiences directly influence self-perception, indicating that our self-esteem is largely molded by our experiences.
Isn’t it wonderful to know that self-esteem in adulthood doesn’t just remain stagnant but actually increases gradually over time, peaking in our late 60s? This boost can often be attributed to the sense of purpose we find, the mastery we achieve in our chosen fields, and the legacy we create through our families. How rewarding!
Our self-esteem follows a fascinating journey: it surges, recedes, and once again ascends. As we reach our 70s and further, it begins to wane more considerably. Reflections on life’s course, health concerns, or the loss of a partner profoundly influence this stage. Adolescence is a critical period to fortify self-esteem, and seniors require our support as well.
Wondering about boosting your self-esteem?
If low self-esteem is something you’re grappling with, it’s time to give yourself a little love! Spot your strengths and put them into play.
Guess what? People who lean on their strengths usually feel pretty awesome about themselves. If your inner voice is telling you that you’re not cutting it, it can be tough to see your own strengths. But remember, we all have them! Sometimes, negative thoughts sneak in and try to convince us otherwise. Let’s not let them win!
You must recognize your strengths.
To this point, you can ask yourself:
- What are you good at?
- What do you enjoy doing?
- What has been the most successful for you?
It’s important to identify the characteristics behind the action.
- For example, you may be good at pole dancing. But, being good at pole dancing is not a strength. What’s behind that? You utilize your physical and mental strength to display inner power. That’s a strength.
- Maybe you have a fluidity about your dance that is inviting, nurturing, emotionally vulnerable, gentle, warm, and expressive: All strengths in our book.
Another way to identify your strengths is to have a list and check them off. I have a Self-Esteem Worksheet you can download.
- Once you have a list of your strengths, plan to use at least one of your strengths every day.
- For example, if your strength is nurturing, engage positively with friends by asking about their lives or expressing positive qualities you see in them.
- Or, if your strength is mental strength/toughness, challenge yourself with new goals like learning to ride a horse, taking Jiu-Jitsu lessons, or doing anything that helps you develop the grit people admire. Your self-confidence will skyrocket!
Recognizing your strengths can be as simple as identifying the strengths in others. Beware of a mindset that allows others’ virtues to cast a shadow over your own; this only breeds dissatisfaction and self-criticism. Avoid the pitfall of focusing on others’ weaknesses as well—critique is critique, whether directed at oneself or others. Indeed, should you find yourself trapped in a critical mindset, you’ll inevitably be harsher on yourself than on others. Shift your focus towards recognizing the strengths in others, and you’ll effortlessly illuminate your own.
@docamen Do you struggle with low self-esteem? #confidence #selfesteem #foryou ♬ original sound – BrainMD
Maintaining Positive Self-Esteem
- No one is good at everything. We can all use our strengths to contribute to the collective good.
- Identify instances of negative self-talk and understand its harmful impact on your mental well-being. Negative self-talk is a pattern of inner dialogue that can significantly diminish your sense of self-worth and confidence. To help combat this, consider wearing a simple tool such as a rubber band around your wrist. Whenever you catch yourself indulging in self-criticism or negative self-perceptions, gently snap the rubber band. This physical cue serves as a reminder to halt the negative cycle of thoughts, and over time, it can aid in the reduction of self-deprecating mental patterns.
- Learn to accept compliments. Just hear and appreciate them. Prepare a statement ahead of time: “Thank you. That is kind of you.” It gets you used to hearing positive feedback and gives that person a good feeling, making you feel good.
- Steer clear of relationships that don’t appreciate your worth. You know what I’m talking about: the booty call or the friend who’s always judging. You deserve better!
- Incorporate positive affirmations and self-care routines that make you feel luxurious, cherished, and cared for.
- Take a pole dance class and feel gorgeous and strong. This can’t help but affect your everyday life. The role of physical activities like pole dancing in building confidence is the ‘best kept secret.’ IFKYK… and you know! Get it!
- Setting boundaries is key in all aspects of life, from personal relationships to professional environments. It ensures balance and well-being by enabling clear communication of our needs and expectations. It also fosters self-respect and empowerment, validating our feelings, time, and needs. Essentially, setting boundaries is crucial for healthy relationships and personal growth.
- Continuous self-improvement and learning. Do a yearly check-in! Journal and write about your relationships.
- Keep yourself surrounded by positivity! Build a supportive and encouraging community.
- Set and achieve realistic and attainable goals. This will exercise your grit and you’ll also feel amazing about your accomplishments.
Your self-assessment is at the heart of your self-esteem. Even if someone took your self-esteem away from you, you can get it back. It’s not easy, it’s a series of small steps that add up over time, like compounding interest.
Maintaining self-esteem is a lifelong journey. At Zensual Dance Fitness, we’re here to support you every step of the way.
@annaakanahow to actually gain self esteem
